This evening Charley and I stood watching the sunset. Never mind that it was icy cold and the air was full of sleet... the Kerguelen sunset is a time of beauty. I felt that my hair, now grown past my shoulders, was beginning to freeze as I forced my eyes open against the harsh wind. At least I have a thick beard to help insulate my face a bit, although I have to wonder about myself a bit in realizing I haven't shaved or cut my hair in about a year... not even the nose hairs!

I held Charley close to my chest, to keep us both warm. As I saw the sun disappear below the horizon, I felt a surge of emotion, realizing that events in my life had been leading to this moment, and that all the previous events in my life will always culminate to equal the present moment, whenever that moment is. Then, given the illusory nature of time, I thought about my life, in time, as an illusory thing without form, without content, without spirit.

Despite the constant focusing of my life's past events into a complete present time full of clarity for me, at all times... the focus which can be brought about through communication with other human beings remains lost to me. Running from one place to another has not made my life easy for the past decade, and in fact it has caused my time to pass at such a slow rate that I sometimes fear it has stopped altogether. It is the waiting that makes it seem as if I am watching a pot that never boils . As I wait for something monumental to happen in my life, and nothing happens, I become increasingly alarmed at how inwardly focused I have become.

It is time for me to leave Kerguelen and attempt to join the human race. During the next week I will pack the contents of the cabin onto my boat, pilot the boat to Port-Aux-Francais, purchase a container, and get everything loaded onto the next freighter... which will leave Kerguelen about ten days from now for the island of Reunion. Thanks for all your suggestions; I haven't decided yet on where to go. I think Charley will like it better in a warmer climate. I know I will, too! I'll let you know what's happening, and I will post the final Kerguelen history lesson during the next few days.